Beauty Tip: Say ‘No’ to Joan Crawford Eyebrows

Joan CrawfordI’VE JUST FINISHED DOING A BEAUTY MAKEOVER for my friend, Sue and since three quarters of the cosmetics in her makeup bag didn’t make my discerning cut, we happily trot off to the local mega beauty supply store. There’s something about shopping with a girlfriend that just bears the promise of a good laugh.

The large array of foundations at the shop is a tad daunting even for me, a seasoned makeup pro. New brands seem to pop up out of nowhere and after pumping numerous worms of semi dehydrated foundation onto the backs of our hands without finding that perfect match, I have a brainstorm.

“Why don’t I go and get some help, I see a sales lady over yonder” and I zip over to grab her before Sue can say ‘Boo’.

I near the unsuspecting sales gal from behind, “excuse me, miss, could you….” I stop dead in my tracks as she wheels around to face me. Her sister of Spock eyebrows have me speechless. Quickly I glance back at Sue whose eyes have grown to saucer size. She is desperately shaking her head at the sight of those frightful brows. It’s too late to turn back now. Our gal is all ears and eager to provide the now unwanted assistance.

Reluctantly we follow her as she showcases various overly thick foundations, ones that look like she might trowel them on herself. She is wearing a whole lotta pancake. Fruitless in my efforts not to stare I feel just like that Austin Powers when he lays eyes on that character with the giant mole on his face… Moley,moley,moley!!!

Normal EyebrowsJoan Crawford BrowsAfter the longest 60 seconds on earth we courteously dismiss our young painted lady and high tail it to the other end of the store to peruse anything but her department.

Since then I have been fixated with the infestation of fierce, dark eyebrows sweeping the nation. Am I hallucinating? I’m serious, on my way through Macy’s cosmetics to check out a new line of mineral cosmetics, there they are again, the Vulcan sisters…. It seems all the makeup artists in the store have shaved off their natural brows to be retrofitted with the heavy, stenciled on eyebrows of yore.

Why would anyone want to appear perpetually surprised?

The floating heavily-penciled brows fad has me fascinated and wondering.

What if you smudge a brow off accidentally at work and, horrors… have left your stencils at home? Would that then be a monobrow? Perhaps you could accidentally set a new trend. What if, one morning you are hung over and unwittingly stencil a brow on backwards?

The possibilities of beauty blunders are endless.

The more this recycled fashion wears on, the closer eyebrows drift precariously toward to the hairline above.

A bit of beauty advice to all ladies – step away from the stencil. Do not go there, mother nature put your brows exactly where they are for a good reason. Because they match the rest of your face. They are sisters, not twins and they need not even match identically.

It is perfectly fine to pluck and shape a little bit but please, no shaving, no overdrawing. Less is lovely, more is plain fierce.

Joan Crawford is gone, she took her eyebrows with her and that’s that.


HotwireEsmée St James



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