Saying “No” To Christmas Presents

ChristmasFriday Funnies: THIS CHRISTMAS I MADE A PACT WITH BLUE EYES that we would skip buying presents for each other. No way were we going to fall victim to the constant Christmas Hullabaloo and its associated pressure and guilt.

We’re saving our cash for our next sailing adventure and that’s that.

The incessant Christmas carols playing at the boutique where I volunteer are not helping my resolve so with a devilish glint in my eye I ask my co-workers if they’d object to a cease fire on the dreaded Seasonal Tunes. Since the boss is out of town the consensus is a unanimous, “We’d be just fine with it, Esmée, it’ll be our little secret”.

Dean Martin is my weapon of choice and everybody is now happily warbling along. Customers too!

It’s the weirdest thing though… …somehow as I cheerfully dress the store mannequins, Dean Martin’s ‘You’re Nobody ‘Till Somebody Loves You’ , goes straight to my heart like no dreaded Christmas carol ever could, I find myself feeling oddly holiday-ish. Hmph, Christmas has nothing on me. Well, that’s what my brain tells my heart.


Making a beeline to the mall right after work as fast as Pretty White can carry me, I sniff out the first store that isn’t blaring Holiday Horrors… A very expensive store indeed where I purchase a pricey pair of playboy sunglasses for Blue Eyes. Yes, for Christmas.

All because of Dean Martin.

The day before Christmas, whilst engaged in pillow talk Blue Eyes casually quips “So you didn’t get me anything for Christmas, right”?


“Um, well I did get you a little something, no big deal. It’s fine if you didn’t, I’m good with it. Really.” I reply, starting to wonder if he took me seriously about the no gift exchange deal. Last year we made the same agreement and we both got each other stuff anyway.

“Didn’t you get me anything?” I ask and, proceeding to insert the other foot in my mouth I continue. “I mean, I didn’t want to end up empty handed and feel like a total idiot on Christmas Eve… You got me something, right?” I query. The look on his face tells me everything. He really didn’t get me anything.

“You were so convincing, baby”, Blue Eye winces apologetically.

Whoops… oh well, there’s still time and I’m sure he’ll zip out and get me something I’ll simply adore.

With store closing rapidly approaching at 4:00pm on Christmas Eve I must admit I am getting a little concerned. Blue Eyes has not made the usual mysterious mad dash to the store. I tactfully suggest he go get some champagne or something for Christmas dinner and, to my relief he takes the hint and goes off somewhere for two hours.

I just know he’s craftily calling my bluff, he’s going to get me something really cool for Christmas this year. Either that or he deserves an Oscar for that odd, rueful look he gave me last night.

While he’s out I make Blue Eyes the cutest Christmas card on my computer, he’s going to love it! Not to mention the cool shades, of course.

One bottle of champagne and two filet mignons later I whip out the Christmas gift with card and, to my chagrin, there’s that strange look again. “I didn’t get you a present, baby, you said we wouldn’t, I did get you a card though…” he sheepishly mutters.

“Oh, that’s okay” I brave, “open your present then, see the pretty card I made you”? Barely reading his card, it says something about a circle on it and is void of any Christmas reference, I am all over the playboy shades. We playfully pass them back and forth to see who looks better in them. Naturally I do, Blue Eyes tactfully comments and leads me by the hand over to the lit fireplace.

“Baby” he says, looking into my eyes. “Yes”, I respond, noticing his eyes are kind of moist, must be the smoke from the fireplace… “Baby, will you marry me?”


Christmas“Yes”, I croak as Blue Eyes produces a little box from behind his back. It’s from the very same store where I purchased his sunglasses. Inside is the most precious solitaire, far surpassing the ‘cool Christmas gift’ factor. In fact, it blows the lid off the holidays, I don’t think I’ll ever climb down from Cloud 9.

Christmas will never be the same again, thank goodness and thank Dino… He had a point there with that song, ‘You’re Nobody ‘Till Somebody Loves You’.

Ole’ Blue Eyes deserves an Oscar indeed.

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by every moment that takes your breath away.” – Unknown

ChristmasEsmée St James