Are Your Cats Psychic Too? | vet

vetFRIDAY FUNNIES: MY KITTIES ARE PSYCHIC, they have an uncanny way of making themselves invisible when I’m fixing to take them to the vet. I’ve  just discreetly pulled out their cozy, blanket lined pet carriers without them seeing and poof, Louis The Lover and Miss Kitty have vamoosed.

Just a minute ago Louis was lounging on the couch and Miss Kitty was carefully preventing the hot air from escaping out of my ‘command central’ floor heating vent with her furry body.  She likes it hot.

Since I know most of the good hiding spots both kitties are now corralled into their carriers and carefully strapped into Pretty White, my sassy new sports car. They are really going to love this smooth ride with heated seats.

Or, perhaps not…

The merest hint of the engine purring sends Miss Kitty into a long, uninterrupted discourse about mmwooooow… mmwoooooow…MMMWOOOOO-OOOW. Who knew? It is a lengthy forty-five minute drive to the mountain vet.

vetLouis the fluffy he-man feral rescue cat is as quiet as a tomb.

In a feeble attempt to drown out the woeful kitty serenade I blast Earth, Wind & Fire’s ‘September’ and am happily crowing along when I hear my cell phone ring over the speakers. Pretty White does have a delicious handsfree loudspeaker bluetooth feature I’d love to try out and like an idiot, I answer.

“Hello?” I say. “Mmwooooow” Miss Kitty offers plaintively, as if paraphrasing me in cat speak for the caller’s benefit.

A man replies “He-hello, I’m calling about the car you have for sale on Craigslist?”.

“Oh, shit, I mean sure, yes”, I fumble. In tandem with kitty I continue “Mmwooo-oowoow, when would you like to… mmwooooow… come by?” I am trying desperately to appear professional and ignore the background vocals.

“ I’m sorry, my cat says hello” I feel myself sinking deeper now. “Mmwooooow… she hates driving.” I offer.  “Will you stop that!!” I hopelessly implore Miss Kitty to be quiet.

Pfffft, as if.

“Excuse me?!” replies the potential buyer.

“No, not you, her! Just tell me, when can you… mmwooo-oowoow…”

“Damn it, stop that!” I screech into the loudspeaker. “Er.. I mean, stop by on Saturday? Jeez, I’m so sorry about the… mmwooooowoow….”I soldier on.

vet“Hello? Hello?” I query the silence on the other end. A faint click tells me this buyer has slipped through my fingers.

Why, oh why did I have to answer the phone.

To enhance the situation, it is pouring rain and the usually scenic, winding drive through the mountains has turned into a blinding, foggy white knuckler. Poor visibility and accidents abound. Gary, the vet is really a unique character so I brave it.

Operating out of an old RV  he is unconventional to say the least and has quite the following. I always love chatting with his other clients and their pets as we wait outside on the wooden bench.

There is nothing frilly about Gary’s vet services yet he’s got exactly everything he needs to get the job done in that permanently parked RV.

If you’ll recall, we’ve got oodles of wildlife at our doorstep and when my 100% indoor kitty Miss Kitty recently stole outside for a nature weekend (bad girl) and nearly got eaten alive by something big I immediately packed her off to see Gary. She had deep crusted gashes all down her back and side, poor kitty never made a peep when Gary deftly tore off the fur surrounding her many wounds before cleaning them.

vetIt was like watching a beautician wax legs, fast as lightning and over before you know it.

“Oh, she’s got some plaque on her teeth” notes Gary as he chunks  it off with his thumbnail. “There, now her teeth are clean too, just give her these antibiotics and call me if you have a problem” he reassures. “She fought for her life and is lucky to be alive. She’ll be just fine”.

And just like that, it’s all over. No overnight stay, no dangerous anaesthetic, no separation anxiety, no $800 vet bill. Just eighty bucks and a big hug. My kinda guy.

Since today’s vet visit is just for shots and a checkup Gary gets to the point. “If they’re strictly indoor cats they really don’t need shots for another two years. Your call.” Suggests Gary with a smile. Feeling disappointed because I love to have a good meow with Gary while he shoots up my kitties I have him at least clean their teeth. Again he does that thumbnail thing and gives them a quick once over.

vet“What do I owe you” I ask, whipping out a dog-eared check. No credit cards taken here.

“Aahh, nothing” the vet retorts so I offer a big hug and trundle off into the dark rain cloud with my babies and a huge smile. They don’t make folks like this anymore and despite the gloomy winter eve, the sun is shining brightly in this RV.

On the way home I notice that I have completely forgotten about the badly botched phone call and not only that… Miss Kitty is now quiet as a mouse. Not that she’d know one if she tripped over it.

I wonder, was psycho-kitty really absorbing my stress about the vet visit or was I absorbing hers…?


vetEsmée SJ