Ex Hex – Divorce And Being The New Woman

divorceSOME THINGS just drive me to drinking and no, it ain’t my hot… rod… Lincoln. It’s not even the exes that pass on by in my life. it’s the unquenchable thirst for revenge, at all cost that is so often co-created when married couples part.

“Heav’n has no rage, like love to hatred turn’d, nor Hell a fury like a woman scorn’d.” Hm, don’t you think there’s a grain of truth in there somewhere?

Being anywhere near a vengeful ex’s bottomless Black Hole, even if only remotely involved can, in a galactic flash suck the life right out of you. Unless you’re equipped with a Kryptonite proof suit, you could wither away or even worse, react in a like manner… thereby feeding the Hole exactly what it wants. More life force.

Kind of Darth Vader, isn’t it? But wasn’t ole’ Darth kind of lonely?

It seems no hated ex mate, succeeding mate, child, pet, or even cockroach can evade the Warp 10 gravitational pull of the hungry Black Hole’s eternally bruised and vengeful ego.


The Law Of Attraction kicker is this – giving attention to anything is equivalent to giving love, not necessarily love to the one you wish to squish, but to that feeling of having been done wrong. So by giving attention to your misery, you are in fact loving it and, like some voodoo addiction hex attracting more of the same.

Isn’t it curious how we humans indulge so lovingly in our own egos, going broke paying divorce attorneys just to save face, trampling everything in our path, children included, just to be ‘right’?

One friend’s ex, much to my horror actually had their perfectly healthy cat euthanized when they divorced just because they couldn’t bear the thought of ‘the competition’ petting their kitty.

My eyes should automatically roll when people say ‘so-and-so is going through a nasty divorce’. Good lord, is there any other kind?

Actually, there is. It takes a highly evolved consciousness, a.k.a. Kryptonite shield to overcome one’s human weaknesses yet I have witnessed such a phenomenon and it rekindled my faith in love. But that’s another post.

Egos and Black Holes aside, it does take a certain amount of  courage to choose to leave your mate when all else fails and that kind of pluck I admire.

Those of you who stay together ‘because of the kids’… um, who are you kidding? Your kids know exactly what’s going on and seeing the two of you scorn each other causes more damage than seeing the two of you part.

Oh, I could tell you stories.

divorceWhile we’re on the subject of excuses, tell me if this one sounds familiar.. Even though B, a rather wealthy, unhappily married acquaintance of mine constantly complains about his wife, he chooses to stay with her. In response to my perplexed expression he chirps, “It’s cheaper to keep her”.

“But don’t you want to be happy?” I press, “I mean even if you don’t have all that money?”. He shoots me such a perturbing glance I daren’t asked again.

It’s fairly obvious he cheats on his wife big time and I’m sure she must have some inkling.

To the naked eye B seems, in fact happy as a clam. He busies himself with business trips, doing his ‘business’ and comes home to a clean, organized home, pressed shirts and loving family.

Maybe the missus has lost interest in him as well, perhaps she’s grinding it with the gardener.

They go through the motions of intimacy with each other and to the casual observer, all is well, everybody happily coasting along in complacency. But are they really happy?

Call me crazy… I’m an old school die-hard for true love. Settling for the brass ring is like a slow death to me, same goes for revenge-a-holism.

Beam me up for a beer, Scotty, I feel a bout of highly evolved consciousness coming on.


divorce Esmée SJ



Quote -William Congreve

Black Hole image – Wipikedia